He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
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