I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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