Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
