Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
