end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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