Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Michael Bay diarrhea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
