I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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