just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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