he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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