That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
