Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
