So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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