do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
