I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
