sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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