I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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