yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
