jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
