dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The best revenge is premature balding
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
