I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
