It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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