I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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