So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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