How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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