i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
