Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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