If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
