Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
