I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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