Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
