All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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