I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
