He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
