the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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