she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
please come you make the beer taste better
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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