I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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