hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
