FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
