I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
