Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
