i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
