i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
