We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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