so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
