I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He better not be in your backpack
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
