Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Porn is love you can see.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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