so explain again why im purple
no
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
