I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
