The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
