what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
