did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
