You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
