im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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