im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
